AJEET, EUG, GERRY AND CRISTY FERMIN

Tubig at Langis (SM and Ajeet)

Met up with Ajeet this afternoon at SM Bicutan (yep, that's right. Ajeet. SM. Wahaha.). He borrowed my tape recorder; he's going to make a demo tape because (drumroll) he's auditioning for a DJ job at NU. Woohoo! Go Ajeet. Basta greet mo ko on air 'pag DJ ka na.;)

While I was waiting for him I went to BioResearch and watched the store crew brush the puppies. They are ADORABLE. The puppies, I mean. I wanted to hug them all! I stood there saying "aaawwww" in my head the entire time, hehe. In an alternate universe, I think I'd find myself working at a pet store. Seriously.

Then I went to the department store and bought Meiji Black, one of the best dark chocolate brands I've tasted. Yum.

I walked around thinking of what else I could buy with my remaining 50 bucks. Normally I would walk to the nearest ATM and then make myself happy with a nice blouse, book, cd or whatever, but I just wiped out practically my entire bank account on my birrthday party (yes I paid for everything), so I'm trying to be a bit stingy. I think this will work for about a week.

Ajeet finally arrived, saving me. Poor Ajeet, he looked like a fish out of water in SM.

I gave him the recorder and we went out immediately. Wanted to get home na rin coz I was starting to get hungry and was fighting every inch of my body that wanted to walk to Wendy's and order baked potato and bacon mushroom melt. Augh. Austerity measures.

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3 Words: Palabra de Honor

I was on my way home from SM when I got a call from Eug. He said he was mad at me 'coz I got a 97 in our final exam (I didn't even know this) when I explicitly told him that I didn't study. Wahaha! I was laughing so hard inside the tricycle, the driver must have thought I was nuts. Eug said he will never believe anything I say anymore. Wala raw talaga ako palabra de honor, at yari daw ako sa mga groupmates namin, blah blah blah.

But I really didn't study! Ok, granted, I transferred the contents of our handouts to my notebook. But I don't even remember what I wrote! What I remember was that I was texting several people the morning before our exam because it was my birthday and friends were texting and calling to greet me. And believe me, I'd rather do that than study. I distinctly remember talking about siomai and men with Shiva at 3 in the morning (Men are chinese food. I am a pyrex dish. I deserve the best siomai in the world.), with unopened books and notes scattered around me.

But, oh well, I'll let Eug have his way, for now.:) Good thing I didn't make a bet with him about his exam. Otherwise, I'm dead.

---

I Partied Like It Was My Birthday!

Speaking of birthdays, I had fun this year with mine. Words can't even begin to describe. I treated my friends to dinner and drinks at Gerry's Grill. It was fantabulous! My high school barkada was there (nice to be called Supermodel Goddess Lara again after so many years, hehe!), Kule peeps [Mark! All the way from Pampanga baby, yeah. And Ajeet! After so many years of knowing each other, this is the first time he went to my party (his sis and I share the same birthday)], college blockmates (almost all of my Area Stud blockmates were there. Grabe, na-miss ko sila!), former officemates, grad school classmates, family. I'm so glad they were able to come.

Two important people were missing--KL and Shiva--but they more than made up for it with a video presentation that they made with Ivan (I have the best brother in the entire world). Imagine my surprise when I saw Ivan setting up the LCD projector right in the middle of Gerry's. And then the faces of my friends, family (Nanay Tanda!)...ah, it was the greatest birthday gift ever. I'll never forget it. And I saw Groo on the video! I wanted to invite her and Jo and the rest of Block 3 (my old Biology block), but I wasn't sure it would be possible. I heard Jo and Groo are not on speaking terms. That's sad because the three of us were very close back in college. We had this notebook we used to write on (which nobody else in my Bio barkada knew about, sorry, hehe). Everytime I would write on it or read their entries, I felt more complete. Even though I no longer saw them that much (because I shifted courses already), it still felt like they were there the whole time. Somewhere out there I had these two wonderful friends who were sharing their lives with me. Haay, I miss Jo and Groo.

On the whole, the party was all good. I'm so thankful to have seen them all. It's the greatest feeling in the world, to see the people you love get together and talk and eat and drink and just have fun. Even though I wasn't able to sit down with each of them longer than I wanted to, just looking at them made me really happy. That's what life is all about. People. Connection. Friendships. Love. It's just...beautiful. Beautiful.

After Gerry's I went to Greenbelt with Kule peeps. That's where the crazy fun began. My lips are sealed.;)

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Bohemian Rhapsody

Papa just texted. Look him up daw sa society page ng Philippine Star. My dad in the society page?! As in Oh No It's Johnny? Wahaha! I wonder why. Anyway, Mama's going to meet him and Cristy (Fermin) at Greenbelt for dinner later. Mama and Cristy Fermin? Weird. And my friend texted the other day, Cristy greeted my dad daw on tv *scratch head*. I know Cristy idolized Papa way back in college--Mama said she used to follow him around school--but why the sudden rekindling of old ties? Why would she be having dinner with him now?

When I think about it, the lives my parents are living now are so far-removed from the kind of life they had 20 years ago. When my mom was my age, she worked for one of the most prominent public relations company 'round these parts. She dealt with the big people. She was interviewing national artists, famous actors, ambassadors. She was writing for newspapers, directing plays, staging exhibits at Remedios Circle, living the ultimate bohemian life. Gary V was a nobody, and Lea Salonga was just a kid singing Tomorrow to my mom over the phone. I had my little finger dipped in that life, too. I remember when I was 3, I was hanging out at my mom's office. They were assessing the prospects of a budding actress, and they thought she needed to spice up her name to make it more catchy. My mom's boss approached me, gave me 20 pesos and asked if I could loan my name to the wannabe actress. So I did. That's how Lara Melissa de Leon got her screen name.

And now...everything's different. I doubt if FPJ or Nora Aunor or Laurice Guillen still remembers Mama. But her stories remain, and they're funny and quaint--not to mention a world away. Like pages from a forgotten era. Like the painting Johnny Delgado made for her, which now hangs above the computer--a silent tribute to my parents' colorful past.

I wonder what would have happened if she stuck to that kind of life. Where would I be?

Sometimes Mama worries about me because I'm so carefree. I don't give shit even if I have no money left, I don't save as much as I should, I always say that I will never get rich because I don't really care and I believe there's something greater than that. I push for things that are ideal, lofty and not at all practical. Truth, beauty, freedom, love (shoutout to Moulin Rouge).

I don't think she realizes that I got that trait from her--or the person that she was before, when she was still young and crazy. Today, Mama and I are as different as night and day. But you know what, I have a strange feeling that we're so much more alike than even I would like to admit.

I wish Mama of 20 years ago would come out a bit more. I wonder if dinner with Cristy Fermin could help her with that. Hmm, doubtful.

MGA BATANG BIBO

This is the first time in a week that I've been in front of my own computer. That's because I haven't been home the entire week.

I just spent several long days and sleepless nights in the house of a classmate, finishing our final paper. Not since my Kule and OSEJA days have I been this bent on work. And even those uber ngarag episodes in the past lasted three days at most. But one week? Over a paper that's worth 30 (pala. I thought it was just 18.) points of my grade? Crazy.

Talk about determination. Labis-labis ang fighting (or competitive?!) spirit ng group. Bibo to the max!

I thought it was never going to end. Blame it on Murphy's Law. It was a good thing we had sufficient food, Eat Bulaga, Mulawin and humor to keep us sane (or barely there, which was good enough).

My lack of sleep has also taken its toll on my apparently sensitive face. Coincidentally, my derma called two days ago, asking when I would be paying them a visit. Hmp, fine, rub it in a little more.

Oh, I did go home Friday night, and held a party Saturday (another story). Then I left again for QC Sunday morning. That was it. Dang, I didn't even get to eat the pastries Luanne gave me for my birthday; when I got back yesterday, they were all gone.:(

But one thing's for sure. That paper we labored over is the best paper our professor will ever get from any grad school freshie or group of freshies. Hindi na ako magpapaka-humble. It's a damn good paper.

To top it off, I had a lot of fun with my groupmates. They are amazing! I'm learning so much, and not just about land use planning. Beyond the work, I'm thankful that I have new friends. I miss them already.

Oh well, the semester is finally over. It was a pretty good five months. I'd write about the entire thing here, but I'm so tired. Maybe tomorrow.

SEARCHING MY SOUL

I'm 22 today. I never thought I would reach this far. Haha, not that I thought I would die young, it's just that, four or six years ago, I felt I knew everything I had to know about life. Sometimes I think I was wiser when I was 16 than I am now (okay I'm harping on the younger days, a sign of aging).

And all I needed to know, I learned from Ally McBeal.

People used to say that if I were to become a lawyer, I would be exactly like her. Well, I won't be a lawyer, but I guess I still have a bit of Ally in me. I used to watch that show with pen and paper in hand, jotting down quotes. Talk about educational tv (or me in my dorky stage). Trite as it may sound, those McBealisms, Cageisms and Fishisms were my salvation. Ingrained in my mind like the mysteries of the Rosary are to some people (not me), they inevitably guided me through my quirky, serious, funny, melodramatic travails. Ally gave life to the thoughts I was afraid to say and the emotions I felt but didn't convey. I was glad to affirm them through her, even just to myself.

I've never shown my Ally quotes to anyone; they were my secret weapon for survival. But now I think it's time to share my little treasure. I am, after all, 22. And, looking back at all those years of trying to grow up and half forcibly making my way through this labyrinth, I think it's about time to say thank you to that little, neurotic voice inside my head, which sounds a lot like a naive Chicago lawyer dancing to Vonda Shepard's song as she waits for the love of her life.


Says Ally:

The real truth is that I probably don't want to be too happy or content, 'cause then what? I actually like the quest, the search. That's the fun. The more lost you are, the more you look forward to. What do you know, I'm having a great time and I don't even know it.

---

I think I need to believe that it works...love, partnership, the idea that when people come together, they stay together. I have to take that with me to bed, even if I have to go to bed alone.

Whoever said that plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea thing was lying. Sometimes there's only one fish.

---

We're allowed to believe in something we know does not exist.

What's so great about the real world, anyway?

---

Who says it has to be a man's world?

(I never thought it was.)
---

This isn't pain I'm feeling. It's nostalgia.

---

Sometimes the things we regret the most are the things we never do.

Sometimes when you hold out for eveything, you walk away with nothing.

---

I like being a mess. It's who I am.

Who wants to be balanced? Balance is overrated.

---

Georgia: What makes your problems bigger than everyody else's?!
Ally: They're mine.

(O, sino pang lalaban dito?)
---

Not all of the best lines came from Ally, though. On this note, I'd like to say, I miss John Cage!

I'm as entitled to my happiness as you are to your misery. --Elaine to Ally

You cannot cure loneliness with a compact disc.--Richard Fish

The thing about hope is that people wish the opportunity never presents itself because then there's the possibility that that hope might be dashed. --John Cage

No second thoughts. When theere's two, there's three, then four, then you'll end up thinking forever. --Richard Fish

And last but not least:

If you play back your year and it doesn't bring you tears of either joy or sadness, consider the year wasted. --John Cage

Hmm, I've cried a lot this year, the past several years in fact. So I guess I'm having a pretty great life so far. :D

---

I'm not sixteen anymore. I've obviously covered far more ground than the tiny tv screen, and got to know people other than the fictional characters I met on primetime. I've encountered real people and real things that have made me who I am today. Ally will remain a voice in my head, just that.

But for all the things she said to me, I am deeply grateful. I believe her, just as she believes in all of us, and knows in her heart of hearts that one day, we will all have our happy endings.

And hey, at least I already know at 22 (or 16) what she discovered when she was 32. ;)

---

Searching My Soul

I've been down this road
Walking the line that's painted by pride
And I have made mistakes in my life
That I just can't hide

But I believe I am ready
For what love has bring
I've got myself together
Now I'm ready to sing

I've been searching my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
And I know can shine a light
To find my back home

THE QUESTION

When is right to be wrong?

Yep, it's the Lara question. I like to pop it from time to time. Some of my friends find it interesting. It's basically wordplay. It all boils down to definition. I say it's always a great opportunity to review our own perceptions of what is right and wrong, and what we mean by "when". It's a way to find out what people's limits are, and what they think as against what society thinks.

But this time, I'm not asking my friends. I'm not texting Rhea. I'm not walking down Faura St, contemplating about the lives of others.

I'm asking myself.

And hell, right now, I just don't know the answer.

BLOGGING BLUES

Nakakatawa ang mga tagboard ng blogs. Kasi halos lahat ng mga taong nagko-comment, pag ni-drag mo yung pointer sa name nila, agad mag-iilaw, senyales na may link sa sarili nilang blog. Ikaw naman, click ka para makapunta dun.

I guess it's because people, at one time or another, want to be known, to leave traces of themselves. We want people to go to our blogs and read our posts and make comments. We include our links in our email signatures and friendster accounts.

Pero minsan hindi ko alam kung alin ang mas maganda, yung may nakakabasa ng blog mo, o yung wala. A friend who's starting his own blog asked me recently kung ia-announce ba niya ang blog niya o magiging anonymous na lang siya. Sabi ko, depende sa kanya. At sa mga espesyal na siwasyon, depende rin sa content.

Gusto ba niyang malaman ng tao ang lahat ng saloobin niya? O sasabihin lang niya ang sa tingin niyang kakayaning basahin ng mga tao?

Para saan nga ba ang blog? Nag-blog ako kasi I wanted to write. I wanted to record my thoughts. Not really my daily activities, just thoughts. I wanted to be honest with myself. I also want my friends to know what I'm thinking.

I posted an entry about two days ago. It was short, honest. Too honest. I deleted it a few hours later. Napraning ako, feeling ko mababasa yung entry ng taong hindi dapat makabasa nun. E nakabalandra nga kasi sa email at friendster ko ang blog addy ko. Funny thing is, I chose to erase the entry, not my blog address. Tanginang vanity.

The problem with a lot of bloggers is that they become slaves to the people who read their blogs. Kagagaling ko lang sa blog ni lagsh; nag-quit na pala siya sa blogging. Gusto na niya i-separate ang blog persona niya sa tunay niyang pagkatao. Kasi hindi pala magkapareho.

Pucha, ayoko maging ganun. I want to write for myself.

Tatanggalin ko na siguro yung addy ko sa email and friendster.

Hmm, wait, isipin ko.

UNREQUITED

In the tradition of Amie's Unrequited Love Galore series (halatang suki ng blog ni Amie hehe), I found a song. I'm not familiar with the artist, but I heard it once on SCQ Reload (halata ring Hero groupie ako wehehe). I guess you could call it my own little Freudian slip of sorts:


Falling
(Keahiwai)

I wanna tell you baby
You're the one that Im thinking of
But your heart is still with her
And I think she's the one that you love
I only want you happy
Even if it's not with me
Maybe one day
You'll open up your eyes and you'll see

[Chorus]
That I think Im falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yeah I think Im falling
Baby Im falling for you

[Verse 2]
From the first time
You laid your lips on mine
It feels like the smile on my face
Will last till the end of time
But Im not so sure
That you're the one that I should pursue
My mind tells me no
But my heart only says that it's you

[Chorus]

Bridge:
Only time will tell
The mystery has yet to unfold
Who's gonna feel love's warmth
And the other left in the cold

[Chorus]
Yet still I'm falling
Maybe im falling for you
yeah I think Im falling
Baby I'm falling for you
That I think Im falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
yeah I think Im falling
Baby Im falling for you

Attraction is a dangerous thing. Very, very dangerous.

SIPA

For the first time in my life, I will admit that yes, I got drunk.

My classmates and I went out yesterday night, a sort of end-of-the-sem celeb. I had been looking forward to this and we had been bickering for nearly a month about where we were going. Makati is the safest place for me, but it was a lost cause because practically everyone lives in the QC area.

So we went to Congo Grill, somewhere in the dark corners of QC. A classmate and I had made a deal: whatever he drinks, I drink, and vice versa. It was a bet that I will not care to elaborate on, thank you very much.;) Suffice it to say that the game was on.

Now the thing about drinking is that you should never challenge anyone to a drinking match. I've always thought that drinking should be pleasant, easy, laid back. It's basically just a supplement for great conversation and a whole lot of fun on the dancefloor hehe.

But this time, it was different. My pride was at stake here, hahaha. We took turns choosing: He picked Strong Ice, we drank it straight. Fair enough. I ordered tequila and maybe another drink that I don't quite remember. Yummy. And then, he ordered Red Horse.

Pucha, nadali ako run. That did me in. I felt whoozy and pretty much out of sorts after that. When another classmate went to the bathroom, I joined her. Sure I could walk, after all the last thing I wanted to lose was my poise. In the bathroom, however, it was a different story altogether. I realized I lost it. Tangina, may amats ako. Matindi.

Worse, I did lose my poise sometime later. We were already outside, and I was still so dizzy I just had to squat on the pavement. Can you spell loser?! It was so funny because my classmates, who were all male, turned from guys into gentlemen in a split second, and moments later I was in the car, strapped in and ready to go. I don't even remember who fixed my seatbelt, got my jacket or held my hand. Daym.

Interestingly enough, I was pretty lucid on the way home. I even thought I was okay enough to get off in Makati and take a cab, but the classmate who was kind enough to give me a ride went on and took me to Paranaque, anyway. By the time I got home, I was sober. I woke up so early today, it's as if I never even drank.

But on the whole, last night was pretty damaging to my ego. To top it off, Eug is going to demand major payment.

Sigh. It's good to be 21 and old enough to drink, and bad to be 21 and old enough to drink.

Some things that hit me last night (other than the friggin Red Horse):

1) Red Horse sucks bigtime. I'd rather drink an entire bottle of Jose Cuervo.
2) You have to be sure you're in good hands. And I was.
3) Being drunk is still better than being sleepy. I could still count my bills and carry on a sensible conversation. When you're sleepy, you just...fall asleep.
4) Never ever take on a bet with a beer drinker if you don't like beer, or a shooter/cocktail person if that's not your thing. Hindi kayo talo.
5) Eat before you drink, even if you don't like sisig or kare-kare.

I know KL and Shiva are relishing this moment. =) However, I implore them not to make comments on the tagboard that will incriminate me in any way, especially concerning persons who should remain nameless at this point. They know what I mean, hehehe.

OFF THE CLIFF (to be or not to be part 2)

So I turned in my application and wasted the entire weekend before the demo. I was going back and forth my options, which were pretty easy to figure out: do it or not. But I was having such a hard time. Monday afternoon Ma'am Mateo texted me. She found out I applied and reminded me about the demo the next day. I didn't reply because I honestly didn't know what to do. Minutes later I got a phone call from DSS. Ate Julie 1 asked why I didn't reply to the text, and if I was indeed going to see them on Tuesday.

In every person's life there is at least one vulnerable moment. This was mine. I said yes. And from that moment on until 1 pm Tuesday, I was a total wreck.

I sometimes wonder why I freak out so bad when things like this happen. By things I mean those that I've wished for, my deepest desires. Grace said it's like jumping off a cliff; just look at the sunset and do it. For me it's like standing at the edge of a cliff, you don't know if you should jump or not.

The thing with dreams is that sometimes you just wish they don't come true, or don't have the potential for coming true. You'd rather keep them in that special place where everything is pure and golden. Reality bruises them and they die. I guess I was afraid to find out whether or not I could actually pull it off.

Shiva made sense, though, when she said she'd rather go through with it and find out if it works out. If it does, great. If it doesn't, then at least you know and you can move on, rather than waste your time on something that's probably not worth you time at all. There is always relief in knowing.

That thought gave me comfort, as I waited inside DSS the next day. It was a bummer right from the start; the two other applicants were extremely experienced, having taught for at least a decade. One was already a part-time teacher in UP who was basically going through the motions to become a full-time prof.

On the other hand, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. After all, I was there to live my dream, or at the very least to find out if I was meant for it. It was the worst and probably the best moment of my life thus far. I felt strangely calm.

And the teaching demo? Well, let's just say I've done better in my class reports.

I did a horrible job, honestly, and don't anyone try to convince me otherwise, because I was there, and I know. If I were an outsider watching it, I would have found it totally hilarious, embarrassing and endearing at the same time. This girl, young and naive, trying to be someone she's not prepared to be, looking both lost and reassured at the same time. Like that boy who sang Killing Me Softly in the movie/book About a Boy.

It was over as soon as it began. Sir Villegas didn't even ask any questions. Prof Sioco asked if I took up Dev Stud subjects. Ma'am Boncan asked if I was okay with teaching Philippine History. I stood there, trying to decipher their expressions. Not a clue. I thanked them, elaborately and from the bottom of my heart, and left.

What was a girl like me to do afterwards? Simple. I left the room, walked down the hall to the restroom, went inside a stall, slid down to the floor, and cried.

I cried because I was happy, depressed, content, frustrated, relieved, disappointed, thankful, grateful, jubilant. I cried because I had to empty out my soul, so I can fill it again.

It was complete surrender.

I had jumped off the cliff, just as Grace said. And in that moment I realized that, truly, there is nothing to lose. There is no shame, no blame. I know that my professors will still love me (hehe), and I will still believe in myself. I do not think that I am complete loser for messing up my demo. True, I wasn't happy with how I did it, but I was happy that I did it.

I wonder if they will call. But I'm not worried that they won't. Maybe I will be a teacher. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll try again in the future and do better. Maybe I'll realize that it wasn't what I wanted after all. Whatever happens now, it will happen perfectly, and because it was meant for me.

It's all good.

TO BE OR NOT TO BE (part one)

Picture this: you are standing at the front of a room across the office of your old college department. Sitting before you are your former professors: one your favorite ever, the other your thesis adviser, another a part of that (in)famous group you like to call "The Triad." Other professors are there as well, about 10 in all. They are looking at you as you stand in front waiting for them to tell you when to begin. "O eto, galing sa atin 'to, produkto natin!" says one of them. They look at you and nod.

You are about to begin your teaching demo.

What do you do?? Well, if you ask me, I'd make a total fool of myself. Which is exactly what happened this afternoon.

But back to the beginning first. Yes, I applied for a teaching job at DSS. Grace, ever helpful and ever faithful, texted me about three weeks ago because she saw a poster somewhere in Diliman about DSS looking for an instructor. She knows it has always been my dream to teach, and it was for Area Studies, my old course. She told me to go for it, and that she'll get mad if I didn't.

I'm the kind of person who sometimes--okay, most of the time--needs to be pushed. Not coaxed, not encouraged, but pushed. It has always been difficult for me to go after my dreams (and I have several). They're just frustrations now, actually. It is an established fact that I am a coward when it comes to chasing my dream. I know what I want, but I just can't seem to make a go of it. Old little insecure me, I guess. So yes, I was a pushed a bit.

I am also an expert at procrastination. I can make up all the possible excuses for not doing what I'm supposed to do. I like to buy time, to push the moment away until it falls into oblivion.

I went to DSS a week after Grace texted. I wanted to know if there indeed was an opening. Walking down the 2nd floor of RH I saw Ma'am Mateo, our most loved professor in the entire world. I was about to to run up to her, knowing she would be delighted to see me. I mean, hey, this is my favorite professor, my mentor, my friend, the person I always put in the reference portion of my resume and never fail to greet happy birthday. Well, guess what. She didn't seem delighted at all. Instead of hugging me and asking how I was, as I was so convinced she would do, she just smiled and walked on. Hello?!? She hadn't seen me in ages! And she just smiled, quite absently. How sad is that?! I could feel my heart drop to the floor. I was shocked. Devastated.

And, of course, being me, I took it as a sign that maybe I wasn't meant to be there in the first place, and I definitely wasn't meant to be a teacher. I couldn't even go to DSS after that. I just sat on a bench, crushed. Sooo melodramatic. I whined to an old classmate over the phone. He promptly called up Ma'am Mateo, and learned that she had a problem at that time. A day later Ma'am Mateo texted him daw and told him to tell me "pasensya na."

I was guilty for feeling bad and being such a brat. But I couldn't help it. It took several people to convince me that, no, it wasn't a bad omen, that no, it didn't mean she doesn't know or care about me anymore, and that yes, I should still submit my application.

Fine. But I just couldn't let myself get away so easily. I succeeded in putting off another week, until finally, on the last day of application, I saved my resume and application letter in a diskette to be printed outisde and submitted, and asked my dad's driver to pick me up and take me to UPM and then to UPD (because I had a class afterwards). Driver arrives. I pull out the diskette. Voila, it's "broken." Naturally I call off the whole thing, tell the driver to go back to my dad, and climb up my brother's van, going directly to UPD. "Hindi naman sira a," brother tells me. "Eh, tanggal yung protective cover, yung nandun sa top part ng diskette," I defend. "Doesn't mean sira. Tsaka pwede mo namang i-save sa ibang diskette," he counters. "I know." Pause. "I am such a chicken." "Oo nga," he says.

When I got to Diliman, I tried to redeem myself and called up DSS to ask if it was okay to submit my application a day late. I was half hoping Ate Julie 1 would say no. She said yes, of course.

(to be continued)

SPLIT, BUT NOT REALLY

I just read my two previous posts. I realized they're as different as night and day. Hehe. Ah, the paradox of Lara. Always a vacillating persona. I'm a Libran, what do you expect?

I think, though, that the smiles far outnumber the tears. And even if they don't, it's still all good. As Shiva said, there's no other way but to be okay!

Besides, the day isn't so different from the night. True, there are some things you see only when there's light, and some things you notice only when it's dark. But they're all there, 24/7.

It's all a matter of timing, really.